It's Hard to Say Goodbye

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It's very hard to say goodbye to someone you've known your entire life.  On Saturday, May 16th a very close friend died of a heart attack.  He had no heart problems, so no one can figure out what triggered it.  My family called him "Nook".  My Mother, sister and I grew up with him and his two sons - as close to family as someone sharing the same blood.  It wasn't coincidental we had very similar last names.  We grew up in a cheaper part of an expensive town in Rhode Island - both parents were single and had known each other since they were teens themselves.  They loved each other, but neither said anything because they settled for the stinkier fish in the sea.  As the years passed, my Mom remarried someone because of pregnancy (my youngest sister) and Nook jumped from one dumb relationship to the other.  He moved to Florida because he was sick of issues with his family that had been brewing with his all of his ex-girlfriends.  My Mother and him talked a lot, hinting that they loved each other every day.  I guess he gave up on waiting for her to leave my Step-Father, so he found a relationship with another woman - his sons both said she was another "crazy lady".  After that, we heard less and less from him because his girlfriend didn't like him conversing with other women.  Then, this past weekend, he left us all behind.  Mom regrets not following her heart and not getting his true feelings straight-forward.  I feel as though she is taking the most brunt now.  We are waiting to find out the date of service - I only wish we had been able to see him one last time.  Then again, when do you know someone is going to pass?  

Other than Nook, Spring semester ended last week.  Mostly A's again.  They want me to pay one more semester out of pocket before I can use financial aid, but I don't have the money for it.  After losing my job back in January and going two months without my income, we have fallen behind on so many bills.  I feel terrible having to beg for payment plans from everyone.  My credit, which had been built to a good score, crashed in the matter of days when I had no paycheck.  I hate the credit system.  I was making payments on EVERYTHING, all on-time and ahead.  Now, I can't even get a legitimate loan to help bring everything back to date.  I owe so much.  And all because I was in the hospital and working for an inhumane Barbie doll.  I should have found an attorney, but it was a risk because Barbie's marry attorneys.  Even when you build your life, it can all come tumbling down in an instant.

But life goes on.  Even after loved ones pass away and you lose close-to-everything.
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